You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
