What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
