i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
