I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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