Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
