All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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