i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
