Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
