Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
