When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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