I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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