Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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