ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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