You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
