im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
