Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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