well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize