You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
