he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
