Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
