she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
