i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
