i don't like sucking hair
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
