I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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