So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
