fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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