We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
