I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
