I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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