she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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