Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
