And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
