I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Randomize
