You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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