I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
