I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
