in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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