Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
