Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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