ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
