SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
