Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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