life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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