Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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