you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
