Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
