Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
