Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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