i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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