I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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