Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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