i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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