she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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