Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
