please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
