at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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