am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
