They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
