I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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