You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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