Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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