That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
