DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
