Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
