how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
