He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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