So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
