xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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