No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize