i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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