I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
