Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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