he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
