Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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